I’ve come to a fork. Well, a knife that I am brazing into a fork. Everything I’ve been doing lately has been shouting NO at me but I’ve chosen not to listen. Until now. I keep thinking about the future, what the fuck am I going to do with my life? I’ve been kidding myself that I’m going to be a hugely successful inspiring woman that dominates the working world of men. Looking down all I see is a little girl thinking this what she SHOULD do with her life, not necessarily what she wants to. Anyway life has hit rock bottom- I’m sucking up to a bloke who has screwed me over far too many times but I just keeeeep oooon letting him, I’m doing a degree that I have lost the will to live over, I have no source of income and my overdraft isn’t going to withstand the year. That aside, I do have damn good friends but it isn’t enough. I’m doing a MATHS DEGREE. Please someone try to explain to me what was crossing my mind when I signed up to this. It’s not ME. That’s the little person in my brain telling me that it’ll get me an amazing job and success to boot. That’s the part of me that wants to compete with my siblings for my parents’ pride. On finding out my brother was going to be on University Challenge last week I realised I was definitely barking up the wrong tree. (He’s doing phd in maths at oxford...). I watched that film Happy-Go-Lucky last week and it made me think. This is me in ten years. Appreciating the little things in life, the things everyone else takes for granted, rummaging through low-rise bookstores, and laughing. I want to laugh as much as possible. I want to put aside every prejudice in the book and exude a warmth that will cheer every last one of you up. So that is what I am going to do.
